30 days countdown [sad be gone]

March 1st marks the first day of the countdown. February is done at long last! I won't be exaggerating when I say February was a miserable month for me. But God is good, and He has preserved me. He's been teaching me a lot of lessons this past month.

One of the things I struggled hard with last month was sadness. Now, I know being sad in it of itself is not bad, but when sadness takes over you it's a whole another story. As a Christian, we are to be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances (1Thess.5:16-18). It's hard to do all that when sadness overcomes you.

I also know that you can be sad and still have joy. But my sadness was overwhelming that it dissipated my joy. It wasn't right.
Being sad for a long period of time is shattering for my testimony. It's also very draining physically. It hurts not only myself, but also the people around me. I become a different person. I become short-tempered, rude, overly critical, and more sensitive than I already am. I also stop thinking clearly, and start believing lies from the enemy. During this time when I need to cling to God the most, I let myself think that God didn't want me approaching Him in this state. I recall one night when I desperately wanted to read my Bible for comfort and pray, but I felt unworthy and that He didn't want me. Truly, humans are unworthy to approach God, but how could I dismiss His vast, unconditional love for me as well?

I spent many nights sobbing in my room. I couldn't share my pain with anybody, because I didn't think anyone would understand. I also didn't want anyone to see me like that. It was just between me and God. My walls aren't very sound-proof, so they were silent sobs. Though silent, they weren't any less intense. I would usually feel a lump in my throat the following morning form crying so much.

I dreaded having to wake up early for work when I only slept out of emotional exhaustion the night before. It was written all over my face the next day. I felt like a zombie around my students, half awake, half dead.
Hah, I feel like I'm writing a novel of my past month. Anyways, I found it very fitting that I was in Job for Bible reading. As you can read from my previous posts, I found comfort in the lessons I've learned in Job.

Praise the Lord, I am back to my normal self again (hopefully).