unheard//

seeking solitude

2012-02-06T17:25:00.002-05:00

I need some alone time, peace and quiet.
I need to find a hole where I can hide in, away from everybody.

snap click

2012-01-31T21:33:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since I've taken pictures seriously with my dslr. I've been on a slight hiatus, because I've simply lost interest. I still love expressing myself and my creativity through photography, so I'm hoping to get back in the swing of things. Part of my disinterest is due to the lack of space in my computer. I constantly have to transfer pictures to my external hard drive to make room for new pictures. It's such a chore. Also, I usually don't have enough gas to drive to beautiful locations.

I love going through hundreds of pictures and editing them. I can spend two-three hours straight just sitting in front of my computer post processing captured memories. I find it therapeutic.

The weather today inspired me to go back to doing what I love. It felt like spring today. I got my dslr in spring. I'm excited to start snapping again. A lot of people have expressed their appreciation for my photographs. They've even asked permission to save and use them for their use. I should care more about copyright stuff, but I'm just meh, do what you want with them. Despite that, I still doubt my skills, especially when people expect me to be really good. Echs echs

end of the road

2012-01-29T18:16:00.000-05:00

So I just fell in love with this song. Thank you Chris August

spoken words

2012-01-26T23:08:00.002-05:00

my top favorites thus far:

1.

2.

Russel Kelfer

2012-01-21T13:05:00.002-05:00

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Shared by Joy C.

sweet melodies

2012-01-17T17:41:00.004-05:00

i loves Clara

i loves IU

Extremely loud and incredibly close

2012-01-02T20:02:00.002-05:00

I love Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock. They're my favorite as far as acting goes. This is the first movie I've seen them together. Seems like a good movie to watch.

dedicated service

2012-01-01T09:38:00.003-05:00

I found it fitting that as I am reading through Romans again, I landed on chapter 12 today. Romans 12 is one of my favorite passages. I think it's a good passage to start the new year. I was particularly convicted by verse 10, because it was even one of my memory verses before.

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;"

I haven't been devoted to anyone recently, but myself. It's not that I don't want to. In my head, I always say I'm going to. I think I've become scared of people. They've pushed me to be more recluse, and their favorite word to use on me, secretive.

Sighs. I'm still a working progress.

so what

2011-12-31T23:40:00.003-05:00

2012 is soon to arrive. I'm feeling indifferent about it. Will it be a happy new year? 2011 surely wasn't what I expected. I'd rather sleep through coming of the new year. Goodnight.

feeling spring

2011-12-30T14:30:00.002-05:00

Today is the 30th of December, but it doesn't feel like it where I am at. Here in Knightdale, NC it is currently 61°F. It feels more like spring than it does winter. I am feeling a slight winter envy from people up north who have had some snowfall recently. Still, this isn't such a bad exchange.

Our patio door is open and breeze freely blows in. This perfect weather is accompanied by Clara C's song "Offbeat". I downloaded the instrumental version, so now I can pretend to be her and sing along. I've been watching Shugo Chara with my sister as well as beat her in Monopoly Deal. My appetite has been so big lately, but I'm trying to control myself. I desperately want to go back to the gym.

Anyways, I want to praise God for this gorgeous day!
Soli Deo Gloria

on the contrary

2011-12-26T21:14:00.002-05:00

Perhaps I should blog more often. Not only when I'm doing bad or feeling random, but also when things are going great. I've been doing well lately, and it's all because of God's grace. I'm truly grateful for where God has brought me. As this year comes to a close, I can say that it has been a rocky year. Despite the ups and downs, God has been my Solid Rock.

Soli Deo Gloria.

orange you glad?

2011-12-13T22:41:00.001-05:00

My family sent this to me. Very timely.

agape

2011-12-13T19:47:00.001-05:00

"You were broken that I might be healed
You were cast off that I might draw near
You were thirsty that I might come drink
Cried out in anguish that I might sing

You knew darkness that I might know light
Wept great tears that mine might be dried
Stripped of glory that I might be clothed
Crushed by Your Father to call me Your own

How deep is Your love
How high and how wide is Your mercy
How deep is Your grace
Our hearts overflow with praise
To You"
- "How Deep" Sovereign Grace Music

breakdown

2011-12-13T17:50:00.002-05:00

I wanna see how long I can keep it together. There's an overwhelming pain welling up inside my chest. I'm trying my hardest not to let it out, for fear it'll break me. Was I made strong enough for this?

doko desu?

2011-12-08T20:57:00.003-05:00

^{It's been a week since the meeting,

but it still hurts to remember.

I see people in a new light.

I feel even farther away from them.

It's hard not to be affected by what transpired.

I'm still struggling to pull it together.}

but it's true

2011-12-02T19:53:00.000-05:00

Feels great to know that people have been talking bad about me behind my back. Thanks guys. I must say, I didn't see it coming.

copped my own status lol

2011-11-24T12:06:00.001-05:00

"Lord, thank you for this beautiful day! Thank you for who You are in my life. Thank you for not sparing your own Son to die for my sins. Thank you for your goodness and severity, your holiness and mercy, your awesome power and understanding heart. Thank you for being patient with me, and always being faithful even when I am not. Thank you for your undeniable love, amazing grace, and sovereignty. Thank you for the people you have placed in my life. Help us to remember Thanksgiving is more than just about food/football/black friday, but a time to recall your blessings in our lives." - Myrrh

polpol

2011-11-18T20:54:00.012-05:00

Dailybooth.com is a website where you post pics up of yourself everyday (I'm too lazy to post everyday though). It can be used like a photoblog, or if you want to see how much you change in a period of time. I just thought it was funny that my five most recent pictures^ have me wearing some sort of purple.

taking it up

2011-11-13T20:20:00.000-05:00

The sighs of a bruised heart carry in them a report, both of our affection to Christ, and of his care to us. The eyes of our souls cannot be towards him unless he has cast a gracious look upon us first. The least love we have to him is but a reflection of his love first shining upon us.

As Christ did, in his example to us, whatever he charges us to do, so he suffered in his own person whatever he calls us to suffer, so that he might the better learn to relieve and pity us in our sufferings. . . .

But our comfort is that Christ drank the dregs of the cup for us, and will succour us, so that our spirits may not utterly fail under that little taste of his displeasure which we may feel. He became not only a man but a curse, a man of sorrows, for us. He was broken that we should not be broken; he was troubled, that we should not be desperately troubled; he became a curse, that we should not be accursed. Whatever may be wished for in an all-sufficient comforter is all to be found in Christ.

The Bruised Reed, 1630, (Carlisle, PA: Banner of Truth, 2008), 66.

aint no charlie sheen

2011-11-11T10:03:00.003-05:00

I keep losing.
I should just stop playing the game.
you're better in my imagination, honey

"Basically what we have here is a dreamer. Someone completely out of touch with reality. When she jumped, she probably thought she she could fly.” -Jeffrey Eugenides

end theme

2011-10-31T12:26:00.001-04:00

still think this movie was beautiful.

For a while

2011-10-27T11:28:00.006-04:00

~~I miss you.~~

Though for some reason, those three words are not enough to sum up my longing for you. The upcoming two and a half weeks will feel arduously long. I'll get by, but I know I'll always be looking for you. It's become my body's instinct when you're not around. For a while, I won't see your smile that brightens my day, nor hear your voice that feels like home.

Jehovah-jireh

2011-10-11T19:09:00.003-04:00

"The Lord is my Provider."

These past 3 weeks have been pretty hectic for me in regards to my financial situation. So many unforeseen things have happened that have resulted in me being dirt broke: bank issues, parking ticket, renewal of registration. I got so frustrated, because I felt like I had no control over all of this. I felt very uneasy knowing that the funds in my bank have dwindled to almost nothing. My credit card was maxed out, and I was running out of gas. With my car payment and rent around the corner, I was tempted to worry about my circumstance. But during this time, God has used a number of people to tell me that everything is going to be okay. One of my youth today comforted me saying, "Everything will work out." I was so blessed by that, not because he was just trying to say something to make me feel better, but because I knew that my God was in total control. I have full assurance that God knows my anxieties and fears, and amidst those feelings He will sustain me.

Today, I was filled with so much joy, because I could see the little ways in which God is providing for my needs. This peace He has given me is so overwhelming that I couldn't stop smiling today. Had I not been in such desperate times, I would've missed out on God's blessings. All glory to God.

"What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy" - Blessings by Laura Story

dog eat dog world

2011-10-04T21:54:00.002-04:00

everyone has their own thing going on.
no one has time to be there for anyone.

She knew she had no chance

2011-10-03T20:02:00.004-04:00

This calms me. heh. =(

buntong hininga

2011-09-15T21:00:00.002-04:00

through my eyes.

2011-09-15T19:20:00.002-04:00

So today at work, I was sitting with some of the students. One of them was trying to dress like Steve Urkel. He had his pants pulled all the way up and his socks tucked over his pants. I gave him my glasses to complete his look. When he tried my glasses on, he was in awe of how everything look through my glasses. The other students got curious, and they all tried my glasses on. They were amazed at how HD the world looked. One of them asked why everything looked more vivid through my glasses. I was laughing so hard. Another said it looked like a different dimensional world. They asked me if I had an old pair of glasses and if they could have it. My kids are so silly. I guess that just makes me blind, because everything looks normal when I wear my glasses.

light-headed

2011-09-10T23:59:00.002-04:00

I'm going through the same CYCLE.
It's as if I never learn.
Oh what a curse.
This habitual dread.
I'm hating myself all over again.

perhaps now

2011-09-07T21:38:00.001-04:00

isn't it time we stop playing games?

hurricane streets

2011-08-26T02:22:00.003-04:00

For a time, there was a calm.
I was lighthearted and serene.
Now, there's a storm brewing.
It's as if my world will be shaken once again.
One can feel lonely, without being alone.

2011-08-24T22:42:00.001-04:00

nice cinematography.

movie makers

2011-07-21T02:20:00.000-04:00

les miserables

2011-07-17T17:20:00.004-04:00

Awesome mashup.
I think Lea Salonga is really underrated.

no internet = book reading

2011-07-07T10:41:00.005-04:00

Went to a used books store last Sunday. I picked up these three and hope to finish them before I go back to MD.

turning 22

2011-06-28T19:55:00.002-04:00

silly convo I had with my cuz

Stephen Gan 7:48 PM
whats 22 feel like
tell me

Myrrh Rachel 7:48 PM
it feels like
a cool breeze in autumn
wearing a cardigan
and going to starbucks

Stephen Gan 7:49 PM
hahah
awesome

Myrrh Rachel 7:49 PM
thats what it feels like

Stephen Gan 7:50 PM
i will hold u to that

Myrrh Rachel 7:50 PM
lol
well
at first it will feel like
a friend's betrayal
a slap in the face

Stephen Gan 7:53 PM
=(
i dont like that

Myrrh Rachel 7:53 PM
but then after a week, it'll feel like eating ice cream in august

Stephen Gan 7:53 PM
a whole week? T_T

Myrrh Rachel 7:53 PM
lol
and on some nights, it'll feel like a smile you get when you see your lover
that, my friend, is 22

Stephen Gan 7:54 PM
lol
epic
wait
its cold in august
no one eats ice cream in august T_T womp womp.

Myrrh Rachel 8:01 PM
what
it's cold in august?
in alaska?

Stephen Gan 8:02 PM
so being 22 equates to being forever alone with the occasional awkward smile?

Myrrh Rachel 8:02 PM
....
yea

Stephen Gan 8:02 PM
it is indeed
cold
lol perfect

on repeat.

2011-06-21T01:54:00.002-04:00

I haven't been posting my thought in detail anymore. I know I've been accused of being secretive all the time, but I just feel it's better to keep them inside my head.

chronicles of

2011-06-08T00:34:00.001-04:00

relationships cause too much drama. no, thanks..

flu.

2011-05-27T20:51:00.001-04:00

Actually...

2011-05-08T20:20:00.001-04:00

I want to move away with my parents.

I ship this couple

2011-04-28T13:40:00.004-04:00

soooo milky ^_^

kirsplat

2011-04-28T03:43:00.000-04:00

melodica

2011-03-23T22:33:00.003-04:00

I find myself buying instruments whenever I have a bad day. I'm looking to buy one of these:

it's tradition

2011-03-19T23:32:00.002-04:00

Currently watching Pride and Prejudice: my favorite movie. I only allow myself to watch it once a year. It's like a time portal for me. I subtly slip into the past when I watch it. March 19th is the appointed date I continue on with this tradition of mine. swooon

this still cracks me up

2011-03-02T23:51:00.000-05:00

Robert Frost

2011-02-24T21:47:00.003-05:00

"The Road Not Taken"

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

So was it a sigh of regret?...

be my...

2011-02-15T01:24:00.004-05:00

Valentine's Day has always been a holiday that I had mixed feelings about. I'm a sucker for all the heart decorations, and the pink, red, and purple everywhere, but I kind of envy couples who do cute stuff for each other on this day. Maybe some day I'll have my own real valentine. I wouldn't really want to go to fancy restaurants. I'd want it just to be a day to hang out with that special someone. I wouldn't demand jewelry. I'd appreciate hand written love letters a lot more. I also thought it would be cool to have a bouquet of flowers sent to me while I'm at work.

Valentine morning, when I woke up, I was in an awful mood. I wasn't looking forward to the day. But when I got to work, my mood lightened up a bit. I wasn't dreading the day nearly as bad as I thought I would. Our classes had a valentine's party in which the students brought in finger foods and sweets. Each class had a valentine box where people could put cards in for each other. When I took the cards out to hand to the students, one of the notes had my name on it. I figured it might be my boss playing a joke on me. I opened it and read it. It was a pretty neat poem. I asked my boss if it was him who did it, but he said it wasn't. He pointed to a student who he thought might've written. It went like this:

You'll never know what your power has done to me
Won't even bother now to tell you why,
You come along letting all of us savor the moment
Leaving me broken another time

You'll never know why your face has haunted me
My very soul is aching inside,
Another hole in the wall of my inner defenses
I want to know if I'll heal this time

You come a long way like a blood stained hurricane,
Leave me alone let me be this time.
You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption
I don't want to mention the reason I know

That I am sricken and can't let you go.
When the heart is hurting there's no way to tell,
And I am crippled by all that you've done
So into the abyss will I run

Signed,
Stricken

I thought it was a pretty deep poem. I still don't know for sure who wrote it. Then, an hour before school dismisses, the secretary comes in the classroom and says that I have a delivery. It was an edible arrangement of chocolate covered strawberries. I was hoping it had the sender's name on it, but it didn't. At the end of the day, I kinda did get what I wanted for Valentine's Day. On top of it all, it was such a nice day outside. I can't feel crumby after all of that!

pointless

2011-01-30T19:24:00.003-05:00

I had more to say, but I gave up trying to say them.

Amnesia.

2011-01-29T04:02:00.004-05:00

Sometimes, I wish I didn't have such an impeccable memory. Sometimes, I wish I could be the one who forgets. I wish I can forget. Sometimes, it's a curse how my memories never seem to fade. Why is it that I can remember practically everything, yet I'm always the one forgotten? How cruel. Cruel, because all that's left are memories. I so desire to forget. Forget all the bad, along with the good. Better never to have loved than to have loved and lost? Surely it is better, than to be the only one who suffers from remembering. Painful, because they're only memories.

waiting for morning

2011-01-24T23:35:00.002-05:00

sylarize me cap'n

2011-01-06T16:27:00.002-05:00

I want to rip my head open and take a gun to all my brain cells and go on a shooting spree. I dislike having scenes play over and over again in my mind. How do I make it stop? It's like a pendulum going back and forth from one assumption to another. Truth, come and liberate me.

welcome, new year

2010-12-31T20:03:00.002-05:00

2010 has been great!
God is good.
He is faithful.
God bless 2011.

hello december

2010-12-01T21:58:00.002-05:00

It's the first day of December, and the first thing that comes to mind is how fast this year has gone. There are only 30 days left of 2010!

end of november

2010-11-29T18:52:00.003-05:00

It was a chilly 30 degrees this morning. I woke up with swollen eyelids due to crying the night before. Frustration with myself and my situation was the cause for my tears. I will not disclose anymore than that. Whatever I was feeling last night, I slept it away. My puffy eyes didn't go away until much later on in the morning though. I read my Bible before getting ready to go to work in hopes of starting my day off right. It helped. Work didn't feel like a drag, and I even found some sort of escape being with the students. It's still cold at my job. Everyone was wearing their coats inside. I'm feeling half alive. Despite this dreary post, this month has been great. Unexpectedly pleasant, actually. Perhaps, my mood is changing along with the season. As it gets colder, so, too, my disposition.

byousoku 5 centimeters

2010-11-22T22:17:00.004-05:00

I just watched this short film. I really like it. Obviously, since I am willing to blog about it. Plus, I haven't posted in a while. I love how the script was written. It's very poetic. Then again, Japanese scripts tend to sound poetic. What I appreciated the most from this was the realistic sound effects that gives it a true sense of a slice-of-life. The makers of this short film were very careful in choosing the right sounds that accurately go with what was being shown. The unique shots and angles were very artistic. It showed refreshing perspectives. I didn't quite get the ending. I thought it ended abruptly, but when I read the synopsis for it, I understood why it ended like that. The story might seem slow for some people, but it's really more on the artsy side.

...throw rocks at them

2010-10-30T12:33:00.001-04:00

^{I didn't want you to get to get hurt, so I told the truth. Instead, I was the one who got hurt. As usual.}

team gabe[and]ramiele

2010-10-15T23:01:00.001-04:00

2010-10-05T21:57:00.001-04:00

どうして私を見ないの?

live like you're dying

2010-09-28T18:34:00.002-04:00

I told myself I couldn't possibly consider moving away from everyone I know, but now I'm having second thoughts. Do I stay and be separated from my family or do I leave too? This wouldn't be so hard if the holidays weren't coming around the corner. Masakit isipin. There is only one thing really that would make me truly want to leave. If that does happen, I'll take the opportunity to start a new life somewhere new. I'm not taking for granted what I have right now, because I don't know how long I'll have it for.

quickie.

2010-09-02T15:50:00.005-04:00

I haven't blogged in a while. I've been pretty busy and haven't been in the mood to blog.

Lately, I've been playing LoL less, sleeping more, praying more, reading more, and taking pictures not as much. I got my hair dyed to a reddish brown color. I am currently reading "Pleasures of God" by J.Piper, "Desiring God" by J.Piper, "Knowing God" by J.Packer, along with my college books. My hives seem to have returned. I'm praying they go away and not spread like they usually do. I lost my bank card once again and had to get a new one. This might be the 3rd or 4th time already. Thankfully, no other transactions were made other than the ones I made. I started playing Scrabble and Tetris with the guys(and girls). There's always something new to waste our time with together. XD

This pic was taken by Josh while I was doing hmwk after church. Something I want to avoid doing. I need to stop putting off my hmwk til the weekends, because I don't want to miss out on anything fun. Oh and I've been curling my hair more often. =D

With the new hair color ^_^

earlier.

2010-08-17T23:13:00.003-04:00

I didn't wake up on my own today, and I was sleepy the whole day. I need to go to bed earlier. Heh, it doesn't help that I started watching a new K-drama. I'm hoping to limit it to one episode a day.

I'm finally registered for classes, but I'll only be taking two classes instead of four, because of the lack of moneys. This semester will be cake, but it's a win/lose situation, because I want to hurry up and graduate already. It's still a blessing, though, because two is better than none. I just have to trust in God's purpose. In His time....I WILL GRADUATE1!!

no withdrawal

2010-08-16T18:26:00.002-04:00

I woke up on my own this morning(no alarm clock/person). It was still dark, and I couldn't tell what time it was because my cellphone was off. I was unsure if it was some random time like 2am or near the time I had to get up. There I was, though, just laying in bed, because my mind was filled with thoughts that kept me awake. They were pleasant thoughts. Thoughts that were on replay, until I noticed that it was slowly getting brighter in my room. I finally decided to turn on my cellphone since it was done charging. It was 6:08am. I figured I should stop day dreaming and get a good head start for my day by doing my devo. I planned on getting up at 7:30am, but since my mind was already awake, I'd have an hour and a half to do my devo. Part of my devo was about praying in full confidence that God is in control.

Today was my first day back at work. I'm actually excited to go back to work and start classes again. Though it was fun bumming all summer, I'm glad to be going back to a productive schedule. I've also cut down on playing LoL starting last week. It feels good not to depend on LoL for when I'm bored, sad, or mad. I've used LoL to take my mind off of my problems, but I realize that I should always turn to the Bible first. It is God's Word that brings life; LoL only numbs the pain for a little while. I don't even have any withdrawals from not playing LoL. w00t!

hiatus

2010-08-14T15:47:00.004-04:00

I haven't been taking pictures lately. Frankly, I've been lacking the inspiration and the passion to do so. I guess I was discouraged to see how a lot of my friends have been excelling in their photography business while I have not. It made me think of giving up photography.

But for anyone who knows me, giving up photography completely would be an impossibility (lest I lose my eyesight and hands). God forbid for that to happen. Heh. After my camera's sabbatical for a short period of time, I'm slowly regaining my passion for photography once again. I want to believe that God has given me this skill for His glory. Therefore, I shouldn't take it for granted or waste it. I must be a faithful steward, even when it comes to taking pictures. Aja aja!

w/u

2010-08-10T00:52:00.003-04:00

^{Hey, I miss you already. I really do enjoy hanging out with you doing nothing. I wish it was like that everyday. Sitting in your passenger seat talking about random unimportant things is enough for me.}

why? because, dear,

2010-08-04T16:02:00.000-04:00

poverty

2010-08-04T14:49:00.002-04:00

"It is not a question of our equipment but of our poverty, not of what we bring with us, but of what God puts into us; not a question of natural virtues of strength of character, knowledge, and experience--all that is of no avail in this matter. The only thing that avails is that we are taken up into the big compelling of God. The main thing about Christianity is not he work we do but the relationship we maintain." -O.C.

2010-08-03T14:55:00.001-04:00

-picture credit not by me

john 16:33

2010-08-03T01:24:00.002-04:00

"God does not give us overcoming life: He gives us life as we overcome. The strain is the strength. If there is no strain, there is no strength." - O.C.

average

2010-08-01T00:34:00.002-04:00

- I'm not a funny person. I can say something and no one responds, but if a funny person says the same thing, people laugh.

- I'm not a very fun person. When I'm in charge of coming up with games for the youth, we end up doing something else, because they don't think it's very fun.

- My composition sounds like a jingle when it's supposed to be a worship song.

- I'm not as smart as I used to think. I looked back at my high school transcript, and I saw that I wasn't the typical asian genius. Perhaps, compared to the other students in that school I was smart, but outside the school, I was only average.

2010-07-26T18:57:00.000-04:00

I wish you cared..

justice

2010-07-12T19:30:00.003-04:00

We often times pout and complain when good things happen to bad people. We say, "It's not fair." But if God were to be fair to everybody, we wouldn't want what we truly deserve either. For if justice was truly served, no one would get anything good.

winds of change are blowing

2010-06-16T22:02:00.000-04:00

It breaks my heart to even think about leaving everyone I know.

2010-05-31T21:31:00.000-04:00

I want to go on a jet plane and leave this place, too.

Death by strawberries

2010-05-28T13:58:00.003-04:00

I never had so many strawberries in my life. Yesterday, I could've died from eating so much. Exaggeration of course. Tina and I hung out yesterday with an original plan of jamming, but she decided we cook something up. She had some strawberries in her refrigerator, so I suggested we make chocolate covered strawberries. She also suggested crepes and strawberry smoothie.

I had small group afterwards, so I figure I should bring them some. But it turns out, they made some too!

Tasha brought the ones on the left, and Lizelle brought the ones on the right. Nathan ate two of the bottom ones that were supposed to be Ate Kristine's lol

rescue.

2010-05-24T13:54:00.002-04:00

Praise the Lord! I got straight A's this semester! I don't think I've ever gotten straight A's before. Though I studied hard, I definitely prayed harder. I was only able to do it with God's help.

I've been wanting to blog a lot, but I don't find time to do it consistently. Sighs. Oh well.

Tonight, I'm going to be a hired photographer at a graduation. It'll be my first time shooting a graduation, so I'm nervous and excited. Well, I'm always nervous whenever I have to do a photoshoot. But I'm a tad bit more confident, because I bought a legit flash that will stunt my fear in doing indoor pictures. Hopefully it'll go well!

Tomorrow, it'll be graduation at the school I work at, so after that it'll be officially summer break for me. =D Because I won't be taking summer classes, I'm taking this opportunity to focus more on the ministry. Great things are happening. God is at work.

four letter word

2010-05-20T22:23:00.002-04:00

"Love is not only something you feel, it is something you produce. It is something you give. Love doesn't depend on feelings. Love transcends things. It rises above hardship, it endures struggles, and it stretches patience. Love is something you learn and have to keep on learning to do. Love is timeless; it's unconditional. You don't have to be with someone to love. Lust is not the opposite of love, but the absence of it. Pride will never mix with love, because before you can love, first you need to be humble. To learn how to love is to realize that there is nothing else worth while to give other than love."

-1 days left [day after]

2010-05-17T22:27:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was my 21st birthday(and my sister's 10th), and the last day of my countdown. It was so packed full of fun that I didn't even get to blog, because by the time I got home I was dead tired.

First and foremost, I've said this before, but I will say it again: Praise God and all the glory to Him, because He is the One who gave me 21 years of life. Without Him, I am nothing. I live for Him, and my desire is to glorify Him with my life. He has been so good. He put so many amazing people in my life that made my day very special.

I didn't have anything planned for my birthday, because my plans don't usually turn out the way I want. I figured it'd just be a fun day to hang out with my friends, the usual. Much to my surprise, my friends had something planned.

Pictures by: Jeku

This was the cake served at church. I actually didn't get to try it.

This is the ice cream cake that I got after I was abducted by all the guys, blindfolded and all.

5 days left [cold fronts]

2010-05-11T19:44:00.001-04:00

I was planning on taking summer classes, but due to insufficient funds I will just be taking a break this summer. I really want to graduate as soon as I can, but in His time I will. I'll take this opportunity to focus more on the youth ministry. I have a feeling that this is going to be a really fun summer.
Contrary to my previous countdown, I'm actually savoring the final days. Though I am excited for what's at the end of the countdown, I'm appreciating my days left. I think I've said this before, but it's funny when you want time to go faster, it seems to move slower. When you want time to slow down, it whizzes away.
I got the chance to witness to one of my students today. Mehn, I can't help but feel joy after sharing my faith. After we get over the fear and anxiety, and actually just go for it, unspeakable joy follows after. At least for me anyway. Perhaps it's because it's what we're supposed to do. There is joy in doing God's will. All glory to God.

12 days left [math]

2010-05-04T20:46:00.002-04:00

I took my comprehensive final exam for my math class last night. Boy, that was a doozy! I'm not going to lie. I was a nervous wreck, because I usually make a lot of silly mistakes on math tests. I was praying all throughout the test, and I redid most of my problems up to three times just to make sure I did them correctly. I was a little blown, because we were given a review sheet, but that review sheet was almost pointless. There were so many problems on the test that the review sheet didn't go over. Prof. should've just told me to study everything instead of focusing on that dinky review sheet. The test took about 2 hours for me to do. I finished at almost 1am. I had a huge sigh of relief when I finished it. I got a 90%. It felt like an enormous burden was lifted. Praise God! Without his help, I wouldn't have been able to do that well.

Quote of the day: "No Christian leader is the person of God that our Lord wants him to be unless day after day the consuming desire in his heart is that people come to Christ." - Wesley Duewel

my lolo

2010-05-02T23:51:00.002-04:00

I have never met my grandpa on my dad's side. He died when my dad was still a kid I believe. I didn't really know what he looked like. If I had seen a picture before, I had forgotten. I came across a picture of him one day, and it made me smile. He and my dad looked a like.

He was a handsome fellow. I wish I could've met him. My other grandpa was still alive when I was a baby, but I have no memory of him. All I've seen was a picture with him and me in it. My mom said he would always give me chocolate. If they were both still alive, I'm sure I'd be spoiled by them. Hehe.

16 days left [200th post]

2010-04-30T22:52:00.004-04:00

Just when I thought the weather couldn't get any better than yesterday, the weather today outdid yesterday's. XD I usually get uber hyper when the weather's really nice. Just ask my students, hah.
I went to a funeral today. I went to a funeral today, and I never even met the person who passed away. She was the cousin of one of the teachers I work with. Some of us from the staff went to show our support. I don't mean to sound morbid, but I don't mind going to funerals. Every time I attend one it's like a wake-up call. I always end up evaluating my life, whether or not I have been living my best for God. Also, whether or not I knew the person that passed away, I always manage to cry at funerals. I don't necessarily cry for the deceased person, but for the family that was left behind. When I see them mourn, I can't help but feel their pain as well. I imagine what it would be like if I lost some one dear to me. But anyway, this funeral service was also a celebration, because the lady had gone home to be with the Lord. It was a blessing being there because of the testimonies about her. Hopefully when I die, people will remember me as a woman of faith and the one who loved the Lord. That'd be the best way to be remembered by. That's how the people remembered the lady who passed away.

I still have to study and take a test, so I must go nao!

17 days left [perfect]

2010-04-29T18:00:00.002-04:00

The weather was undeniably gorgeous today. It was clear blue skies, warm embracing sunshine, and a friendly breeze. The trees are full of green once again, and the grass was vibrant. It's the perfect season for love to bloom. Flowering love is sweetest of all and can thrill us to the core. It has an electrifying power that consumes rhyme and reason. It occupies the mind and excites the heart. It makes the strongest knees become weak, and it perpetuates the face with a smile. It sucks the air out of us, and we always find ourselves sighing longingly. Spring is a season of new beginnings and also of renewed sentiments.

"To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God." - O. Chambers

18 days left [best bank]

2010-04-28T20:21:00.001-04:00

I registered for summer classes last night, but I don't know if we'll be able to afford it yet. If it's God's will, He will provide. It is in His power to supply the needed funds. I need not worry. He is Jehovah Jireh, the one who provides.

"Abandon means to refuse yourself the luxury of asking any question." - O. Chambers

19 days left [wired]

2010-04-27T23:06:00.006-04:00

I went to bed at almost 2am last night, because I was LoLing with the guys. I knew I was setting myself up for a miserable morning. I had only planned on playing 'til 12am, but everyone was on and they wanted to play each other. I'm going to ban myself today from playing to make sure I get my hmwk done and get some sleep. My plan for this morning was to consume some caffeine and wire myself up. I never drink coffee. It tastes nasty, but this was the only way I knew that could help me from passing out at work. What do ya know, I actually arrived on time. Around 11am, though, the caffeine started wearing off. My mind was out of it. I was yawning violently and my eyelids felt heavier. It was like I got hit by Ashe's frozen arrows and my whole body slowed down. In fact, one of my students look like he was moving as fast as Master Yi from the corner of my eye. Mana pl0x.
Hm, maybe I should stop making so much reference to LoL. It's bad enough that I can't get the game images out of my head. This definitely calls for a break from LoL. Maybe one whole day. Haha.

Right now it's 11pm. I went to bed at 5pm hoping to take an hour nap. Next thing I know it was 10:45pm already. I feel so retarded. Argh, I still have stuff to do T_T

20 days left [exposed truth]

2010-04-26T20:24:00.002-04:00

I'm learning that the worse the person is the more love they need. I'm not just relating this to my skills(or lack thereof) in LoL, but in real life. It doesn't help a person who's being bad if you get mad or frustrated at them. That would be the natural response, but often times the Bible expects us to act opposite of what we normally would do. Pray for our enemies? Sounds absurd, but Christians aren't supposed to be of the world so our actions must reflect that.

I failed at coming to work on time this morning. I need to start sleeping earlier. Despite coming late again, I did get the chance to witness to one of my students today. Praise God. The student wasn't allowed to go outside when everyone did, so I decided to gank him. muahaha.

I was flipping out when the little boy came out. XD

21 days left [filled]

2010-04-25T17:43:00.004-04:00

Today was a long day, but a good one at that. I learned a lot. After our service, I attended HTY's 14th church anniversary. I also started using the ASPECT method for my quiet time. It's actually not that time consuming as I thought it would be. I'm really tired, and I'm not quite looking forward to work this week. There's just a lot going on there that just makes going to work a drag. Sighs >_<. Well gonna keep this short. I'll leave with you with a quote for old man Chambers
"If we do only what we feel inclined to do, some of us would do nothing forever. The proof that we are rightly related to God is that we do our best whether we feel inspired or not."

22 days left [mean]

2010-04-24T22:31:00.005-04:00

I got cursed out a lot in LoL today. =( My own team mates were being so mean! T_T I was just trying to have fun, you know, it's just a game. If a person sucks, cursing them out won't make them any better. If anything, it'll make them worse, because they won't want to work well together. Sighs. I'm also finding it that when I don't play aggressively, I suck. I'm not a good passive player.

Youth group went pretty well today. We went over the A.S.P.E.C.T. method in doing devotions.
A - About God "What can you learn about God through this passage?"
S - Sin " Does it talk about sin?"
P - Promise " Is there any promise in this passage?"
E - Example "Is there any example I can follow?"
C - Command "Which command does it give and I have to obey?"
T - Teaching "What can I learn from this passage?"
I'd say it's a pretty good structure to do during quiet time. I'm excited to use it, and at the same time I know it'll be harder to be consistent, because it is more time consuming. I learned today that there's a difference between Bible reading and doing quiet time. Although I'm consistent with reading my Bible and I take notes, I don't spend enough time meditating on it. Please, pray that I will be able to do my quiet times with the best that I can, because God always deserves our best.

This was the best part of the movie. Hah.

23 days left [late]

2010-04-23T23:17:00.004-04:00

I was really late for work again. Second day in a row. It's because I woke up late. I have the best intentions of sleeping early, but I usually end up sleeping late. I know to make sure that LoL is the last of my priorities, but perhaps even sleep should come before LoL. I'm going to try hard to be more on time for work next week x_x

^{I'm so frustrated with myself, with how I am sometimes.. sighs T_T I try so hard, and yet it's still there.}

24 days left [fog]

2010-04-22T19:55:00.003-04:00

It was densely foggy this morning. Even though it's not the safest driving condition, I think fog makes the surroundings so beautiful. It always makes me want to take pictures. Besides making the surroundings beautiful, I also like fog, because it doesn't appear very often where I live. I have a special interest in things that are fleeting, like yellow traffic lights, dainty little flowers, fog, etc. Just because they don't last as long as most other things, I find them all the more special.

Despite the beautiful morning, today was so hectic at work >_<. After a successful blessed day yesterday, the enemy made sure to stir trouble today. It got so hard that I really wished to get out of there as soon as possible. It probably didn't help that I didn't get enough sleep the night before, and it added to my crankiness. Things were just wrong. It's like the enemy destroyed my inhibitor and started spawning super minions. My turrets had low hp. I so desperately needed to recall. I was so thankful when work was over. I praise God for getting me through this crazy day.

25 days left [praises]

2010-04-21T20:59:00.002-04:00

I'm always getting paper cut. How bothersome.

Today in my reading assignment, it talked about the role of prayer in evangelism. So often do Christians take praying for granted by not spending enough time in it. We forget we're in a spiritual warfare.
"We cannot afford to neglect one weapon Satan does not have in his arsenal and the one he fears the most--prayer." - Ralph Herring.
"Our problem today is we don't see the threats of worldliness, carnality, culture, ungodliness and apathy that should motivate our prayers." Alvin Reid.
Prayer is so vital in a Christian's life. Let us not be be lazy or negligent when it comes to daily prayer time.

God has blessed me so much today with opportunities to serve Him. I have so much joy when I am used by Him. I just want to praise Him for allowing me to do His work. All glory to Him.

26 days left [busy]

2010-04-20T21:17:00.005-04:00

Today was a pretty busy day at work. There were a lot of students testing, and a lot of stuff needed to get done. I like busy days at work, because time goes by so much faster. Still, it was quite tiring, and after I took Abi to the park after work, I took a nap. I woke up, ate dinner while watching Kate & Leopold. Swooon. That movie is so kiligful. Hehe. Just because I'm really into the 18th century, Victorian Era language. It's so romantic. Hah.

Lately, I've been learning a lot about God's will from one of my books for class. I've mentioned the book before in one of my previous posts, "Decision making and the will of God" by Garry Friesen. I really enjoy this book, because it's understandable. Again, I highly recommend this book. After this semester, if anyone would like to borrow it, I'd be glad to lend it.

just for lolskis XD

28 days left [scoring violations]

2010-04-17T22:59:00.002-04:00

I've decided to do another countdown for another important day coming up. Besides, I've missed doing daily blogs. I've kind of gotten in the habit of doing them.

My streak of 100s in my Intro to Missions class has been interrupted by a 75% and an 83% that I got on my two tests from this week and last. We've been going through the history of missions, and there were so many names of missionaries that I struggled with in the tests. Hopefully, I can return to my 100s streak again. I probably got cocky in thinking that this class is so easy. Heh. That's what I get.

We ordered Chinese for lunch yesterday. I thought the fortune cookie that I got was funny, because it seemed so fitting for me, almost as if God himself meant to give it to me.

I had to laugh when I read that. I was like, "Dang. Yes, Lord." Recently, though, things in my life are pretty chill, for the most part anyway. I'm not anxious for anything in particular. I am simply living contently.

relapse of concentration

2010-04-15T21:26:00.001-04:00

"You no more need a holiday from spiritual concentration than your heart needs a holiday from beating. You cannot have a moral holiday and remain moral, nor can you have a spiritual holiday and remain spiritual. God wants you to be entirely His, and this means that you have to watch to keep yourself fit." -Oswald Chambers

pha-teh

2010-04-12T21:34:00.003-04:00

Ever since I got sick three weeks ago with the stomach flu, I haven't been eating well. Sometimes, I don't have the appetite or I get full real easily. It seems as if my stomach has shrunk during the time I wasn't able to eat at all. When I weighed myself, I had dropped down to 98lbs. Most girls would be thrilled, but it kinda grosses me out. A person my age shouldn't weigh less than 100lbs, despite the fact that I am short. I really want to eat healthy, and I've been doing a good job at cutting back my junk food intake. For me to say that is a big deal, because I'm a junk food junkie.
This post would seem ironic to some people who know me, because I always talk about the cravings I have. They say I talk like a fat or pregnant person. No doubt I have major cravings. I even have this ridiculous habit of youtubing the food that I'm craving and watching other people eat it. T_T

Anyways, this vid cracks me up

0 days left [blazering]

2010-04-06T22:10:00.004-04:00

Today, I got my braces completely off. Last week, I had most of them removed, but today they are completely gone! I also got my retainers and a glorious lisp.

They gave me a bottle of sparkling spider with three balloons and announced in the whole clinic that I just got my braces off. Quite an embarrassing ordeal, but that's just me.

It was pretty hot today. I turned on the aircon in our house. Went to Yami to meet Jenn and Stephen, but Jenn couldn't stay long. Stephen and I then went to Yogiberry. I was mesmerized by the colorful wall. This post is quite unsubstantial, because I have hmwk to do.

1 day left [unproductive]

2010-04-05T21:31:00.002-04:00

I decided to do this countdown as an experiment. I wanted to see how consistent I could be with my daily blogs. I set a time frame for my goal to be measurable. The end of my countdown will mark an important date. It won't be anything out of the blue or something totally awesome. In fact, I've already mentioned about it. So to my readers, do not excite yourself. Once you find out I'm sure you'll be like, "oh, that was it?"

I woke at 12 in the afternoon today. Actually, I only woke up because my phone was vibrating. It was Kro. He was looking for my dad. What a great way to wake up. Lol. I hadn't really planned on sleeping in that late. But anyways, I had my first spider encounter in my room today. It was huge! I know most girls who are scared of bugs say all bugs are huge....but this spider really was big! With its leg span, I'm sure it was bigger than a quarter. It was crawling on my wall across from me. I grabbed my handy dandy fly swatter and bravely lounged my weapon to the spider. I hate cleaning up after my kills, so I usually get someone else to do it for me. That was basically the most exciting/dreadful part of my day. Other than that today was pretty unproductive.

2 days left [arise]

2010-04-04T21:45:00.001-04:00

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. " - Philippians 3:10-12

3 days left [pinkblue]

2010-04-03T23:32:00.002-04:00

I met ate Kristine's mom today. She's too funny. Now, I know where ate Tin gets her personality from. We did a short devo led by ate Tin's mom. Afterwards, L and I went to her place to get dressed for April's debut. Then, we went to Christian's place. I have never driven to Christian's, and I don't go there very often so I didn't really know how to get there. It took like forever to finally get there. It was only after calling up Kuya E for directions, because Mike, Matt, and Christian wouldn't answer their phones. Anyways, we all rode with Christian to go to VA for April's debut. I'll end this post with some pictures!

4 days left [brainer]

2010-04-02T20:53:00.002-04:00

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." - 1 Corinthians 1:18

I took three exams today. I got a 96%, 98% and a 100%. I would've liked it if I got three 100s, but I can't be too disappointed. Still, it sucks getting one wrong in two of those exams. It's like I was sooo close! I am totally loving my classes, because I virtually have no papers to write. Weeeeee! Plus, my two classes are about theology and stuff. I'm always interested and excited to learn stuff like that. I did write one paper this week. It was a testimony paper, which I don't even count as a paper, because I can write whatever I want. It's funny actually, because I usually have a problem with making my papers long enough. This time the length requirement was 3/4 to 1 page, because testimonies must be short and should be within five minutes. I struggled instead with putting everything in that 1 page. Lolskis.

I'm in a rather bright mood, because it was another gorgeous day and I'm free of homework for the weekend! =D

5 days left [difficult]

2010-04-01T19:28:00.002-04:00

Today was the most gorgeous day ever! It was a half-day at work, because our Easter break starts now. I went to D.C. to do a photo shoot in the cherry blossoms with a couple of people. I tried anyway. There were so many people, and I was pressed for time. I had to be back for a meeting at church at 4pm. I dislike rushed photo shoots. The afternoon lighting is not favorable either in my opinion. Anyways, I got some decent shots. I shall be uploading them soon.

As of right now, I'll be totally honest and say I'm rather salty.

Oh mehn, I've been craving Korean street food.

Spicy rice cake delights O_O

6 days left [bumblebees]

2010-03-31T19:59:00.002-04:00

Alas, today is the last day of March. I can't say this month turned out how I expected it to, but that's just life. How often does it really go the way we planned? Yet another reminder of our mere humanity. We are so powerless, incapable, and incompetent. Compared to omnipotent and sovereign God that is. But then again, there really is no comparison at all. We are nothing. Perhaps only objects of God's love, but surely that makes us something in the end. Our only worth is in God and God alone. I know that was a random rant, but after 24 days what else can I talk about? The topic of God's greatness will never get old.

Going back to the topic of plans not working out due to unexpected circumstance. I'm adopting a sub motto for this year. Every year starting 2 years ago, I usually go about things with a motto. For 2008 my motto was "last chance". For 2009 my motto was "que sera sera (whatever will be will be)". This year my motto is "all in", but I've decided to have a sub motto along with it. Due to all the unforeseen events that are out of my control, I'm just going to sigh out a callous "hakuna matata". I choose not to worry my life away. This year is an all or nothing. When it comes to poker, 9 times out of 10 I usually lose when I go all in. So why take so much risks this year? Well, why not? After all, we don't live forever. If I lose, I lose. Hakuna matata. I'm rarely a sore loser anyway, so thank goodness for that!